just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
