and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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