There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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