It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
