I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He passed out mid-signature
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
