okay pat passed out under dana's car
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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