dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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