I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
This is classic penis vs brain.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
