I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
