There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize