I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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