you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
