I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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