Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i love accidental penises.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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