Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize