Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
