i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
