Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
