We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
