I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
