She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
