i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
