Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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