cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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