i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
