So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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