did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
