Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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