They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
