yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
