Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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