if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
