Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
