Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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