i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
