I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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