No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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