I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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