im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
