I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
