I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
