i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
