well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
