I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
