Old men and throwing up are my life now.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
