I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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