The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
