Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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