Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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