Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
