Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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