im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
