i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
