next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
