In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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