I love black thongs
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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