Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
