I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
