Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
