he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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