Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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