im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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