He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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