do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
