I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
