My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
