Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize