Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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