Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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