Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
