Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize