We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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