oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
