I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
