I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
How does it feel to date your dad?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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