Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Send help, water and tortillas.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
