with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize