We named our party play list daddy issues
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
