Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
