just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
