I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize