i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
