I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
