just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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