You can't motorboat a personality
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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