I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
