smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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