if you like me you must not know who I am
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
