I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
